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Enlightenment

The Power of Silence

August 10, 2018 by bappelbaum Leave a Comment

The Jewish High Holy Days are next month. These are considered the Days of Awe. Awe is a sense of reverence and inspiration. In our chaotic, loud world it is sometimes challenging to find awe. Too much stimulus surrounds us, influencing our thinking and feeling, usually for the negative. It’s a wonder that we don’t collapse under the stress of everyday life, especially if you listen to the news much of the time. What the High Holy Days remind me is to look inward; to find my true self within the silence of contemplative thought. And since I believe that when you discover your true self you discover God, you can find God within the silence.

“God is never what you think…if you can think it, then it’s only a fraction or a reference. God is an experience, a feeling deeper than things and more than words. It is the shining light we can see anywhere and everywhere! The moment we say God is Energy, Consciousness, Love, or even Life, we apply a conceptual limit to something that is beyond words, beyond limits. That is why silence is a great place to find God.”

Jonathan Ellerby, PhD

God is energy or spirit or anything else you choose. Personally, I believe it is the energy of the universe that is within us as well as outside of us. It is everywhere, has no beginning or end, and is the force within life. The most powerful place to connect with God (or your inner life force/energy) is within silence. Silence is peaceful and still. It is where you can hear your heartbeat and notice your breath ties into the rhythm of the earth.

Imagine standing at the edge of an ocean, mesmerized by the ebb and flow of the waves. Some gently lap against the rocks; others come in more forcefully. Regardless of strength, the waves come in and then roll back out to sea. Countless living organisms ride this continuous cycle along with your body as if the energy of the earth is in sync with your breath by means of the motion of the water. As you watch the waves and witness the vast strength of the water, you are in awe. Awe is an emotion combining dread, reverence and wonder that is inspired by the sacred or magnificent. As you stand at the water’s edge soaking in this magnificence, you innately understand there must be a power greater than you, whether you call it God, Spirit, Energy or something else.

As you become present to the moment, you trust in your higher power and imagine casting the negative thoughts and feelings that weigh you down into the sea. Recognize that you are but one small component in this infinite universe. Open yourself up to receive positive energy, helping you focus on your breath, nourishing your body, mind and spirit.

In order to be, one must do. I believe a person’s life is about being the change they want to see in the world. It is about walking your talk every day through helping and truly listening to others with a nonjudgmental approach. It is about being kind and expressing gratitude. This, in turn, reflects in your overall wellness. Life teaches you to be the cause of your existence, not the effect, and that only you can shift your way of thinking to transform your feelings and behavior. This is the purpose of your superhero journey.

Be Present | Be Purposeful | Be Well

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Be Present, Be Purposeful, Be Well, Be Your Own Superhero, Enlightenment, Healing

The Road Less Traveled

April 27, 2018 by bappelbaum Leave a Comment

Today is the 12th anniversary of my receiving a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS). In honor of that blessed day I want to share a small portion of my new book, Be Your Own Superhero: A Road Map to Resilience when Faced with Chronic Dis-ease in the hope that it will bring comfort and inspiration to others who may be suffering from chronic stress or illness as well as encourage you to read/share my book. I promise it will be life-changing for the positive!

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny – C.S. Lewis

My Message to MS After Diagnosis

You entered my life out of the blue in 2006, like a freight train derailing at top speed, and changed everything. You put me on the road less traveled; one that I would have ignored otherwise. As much as I tried to stay the course of my normal existence, you pushed me in the direction of another – the one truly meant for me even though I didn’t recognize it at the time.

As I navigated this new life path, you tried with all your might to knock me down, but I refused to fall. Through your challenging lessons you have shown me that I am not weak but strong; not hopeless but determined; and not diseased but healthy for me. You have become an integral part of me and although I occasionally stumble, I always pick myself up, dust myself off and start anew. You may always be the proverbial “elephant in the room” but I have learned to look past your oversized body and see everything else for the blessings they are.

When you first came into my life many people asked me, “Why you?” and my reply was simple: “Because I can handle it.” I find your entering my life to be the greatest gift I ever received. You awakened within me a strength I didn’t realize I had and taught me to live the life I want, not the one others think I should. You taught me a greater empathy for others who live their lives in constant suffering and gave me the tools to pass on my knowledge to help them be their own best advocates in order to live well. You also taught me what I have known all along even though I didn’t consciously realize it: when chaos arrives at my front door I do not panic. I respond with resilience.

Learning to overcome adversity is truly one of life’s gifts. When faced with a challenge there is always an opportunity that lies within that can be discovered by Getting clear, Increasing understanding, Focusing and Taking action (G.I.F.T.). You offered me an opportunity, and through it I discovered my purpose of being and am able to live my best, healthiest life. Thanks to you I have come into my own. And although it is a long road to accepting and coming to terms with your existence, I know I have the courage and faith necessary to thrive.

Through my story I will teach others how to navigate their life’s journey to their best ability by sharing how I traverse each step, each stumble and each giant leap, walking together down the path of life, taking that road less traveled.

Be Present | Be Purposeful | Be Well

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: Be Present, Be Purposeful, Be Well, Be Your Own Superhero, Blessings, Enlightenment, Healing, Health, Mindfulness, Multiple Sclerosis

The Contest Results Are In

December 17, 2016 by bappelbaum Leave a Comment

Drum roll….and the winner(s) of the Hay House Writer’s Workshop contest are…not me. Life did not turn out as I had hoped.  My story is not unique enough to warrant a formal publishing contract from this contest.  Sadly, my book proposal did not even garner one of the runner-up self-publishing offers. The manuscripts that did win were also health-based yet with a more interesting approach to wellness than mine; at least in the perspective of Hay House…BIG sigh; DEEP breath….

sometimes-life-lets-you-downAm I disappointed? Yes. Had I really hoped I’d win, for once? Yes. Is this the end of my writing? Absolutely not. I have a message that wants to be heard so as to help others navigate their way through chronic dis-ease. I will continue writing and I’ll just have to figure out another way to publish it.  I’m proud of what I accomplished with my book proposal and am even prouder of the actual book that’s almost complete. For my memoir writing class this week the topic was, “What most influenced you during this past year? Did it take you one step closer to fulfilling your Tikkun Olam?”  I want to share what I wrote with you because it skims the surface of lessons I learned from this experience that motivate me to keep moving forward and I hope they do the same for you.

As 2016 began, I gave my all to everyone else and then by a twist of fate mid-way through, I found myself believing it was finally ‘my time.’ Yet after months of forward movement, I stumbled as my bubble of hope burst; my courage dashed by the often spoken words of loved ones, “don’t get your hopes up so you don’t get hurt when it doesn’t happen.”  Sadly I tend to mirror the expectations and preconceived notions of how others see me; still visualizing the insecure child I was instead of the confident woman I’ve become (and sometimes struggle to be). This year I have chosen to focus on constantly reminding myself of my inner resilience; attempting to overcome obstacles I allow to be placed before me. Whenever I look into the mirror and give my reflection a pep-talk, I remind myself that I alone hold the power to my happiness and success; it’s just a matter of perspective and faith in myself.

So this year I continued my role as devoted daughter, loyal friend, fierce advocate for the underdog, and champion of striving to be something more and/or matter more. “When life calls you, you have to answer,” was basically my motto. A synopsis of the year includes several weeks of caring for my father (and mother) when needed; accumulating the necessary hours and passing the required exam to increase my coaching credential to the next professional level (PCP); attending a Hay House Writer’s Workshop and gaining clarity of my next book; learning to play mahjong and making 6 new friends in the process; beating my previous year’s fundraising effort for Walk MS; and saying goodbye to a few family and friends as they either moved or died. I’m sure there were many other influential events this past year but my mind has trivialized them to the back-burner of my memory. Granted, not everything was easy or wonderful yet it all felt like it had a purpose. Sometimes that purpose was buried underneath a bunch of stress, pain, and suffering; but it was there nonetheless. I had this deep-seated sense that I was where I was meant to be, doing what I was meant to do.

With that said, life has never seemed to turn out as planned. My father always had me write down a 1-year, 5-year, and 10-year plan. Somewhere in my 40s I realized these plans only set me up to feel like a failure because I never recognized what I had accomplished; only what I had not. So I stopped planning for a while. Much of my life I have also been a world-class worrier. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot let certain thoughts lie still in my brain and as I age and our world becomes less stable, it just gets worse. This past year my worry got so out of control that I had to tune out much of what I call nonsense while constantly reminding myself to “let go” when stressful thoughts about my future bubble to the surface. Reminding myself of the Serenity prayer – awareness of what I can and cannot control and knowing the difference – has become a daily activity. Somehow, life in 2016 feels as if it’s gotten out of control in so many ways, yet when I stop, take a deep breath, and reflect honestly, I still find myself feeling as if I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

In March I attended Hay House Publishing’s Writer’s Workshop and at the end of the workshop we were asked to complete a writing exercise that began with the prompt, “Believe in….”  I wrote: Believe in yourself, you are the change you wish to see in this world. With it you help others navigate through pain or dis-ease to wellness. You make other people’s lives easier, you matter. You make a difference. Just breathe – trust in the process of your journey. All is as it’s meant to be. God said to me, “I choose you because you can handle it. Now teach others. Remember, I AM.” Not only is this the theme of my next book, Be Your Own Superhero: A Coach-Approach to Living Well with Chronic Dis-ease, it has bubbled up to be the theme of my year (and perhaps next year too, who knows?).  It certainly has prompted me to begin planning again, although this time setting intentions of who I want to be and how I want to show up in my life instead of realizing specific goals that may or may not be possible or achievable for me.

And although I live with a constant nagging sense of inadequacy and futility that I continually battle to overcome, I have extrapolated a few nuggets of helpful wisdom that are the foundation of what I teach.  My story needs to be greater than me and empathize with other peoples’ pain to help alleviate it; I need to continue developing my skills as an escort into the human soul; and I have to always be courageous – willing to be uncomfortable to truly share my vision. I need to fully feel the energy in and around me whether positive or negative; having faith that I am where I am meant to be right now without worry.  This year has been another giant step toward connecting me to my soul’s true journey; my true Tikkun Olam. Hopefully, I am one step closer to releasing fear, worry, and self-doubt so that I can let my light shine brightly for others and for myself.  I need to continually work at practicing what I preach; standing strong and resilient in the face of chronic dis-ease so I can help others do the same.

Be Present | Be Purposeful | Be Well

Filed Under: Health, Holistic Health, Uncategorized, Wellness Tagged With: Be Present, Be Purposeful, Be Thankful, Be Well, Be Your Own Superhero, Blessings, don't panic, Enlightenment, Hay House Writer's Contest

Round Four: Is Your Soul Pleased?

September 21, 2016 by bappelbaum Leave a Comment

I received the first-round of edits back from my editor. Bless her soul; she really put a tremendous amount of effort into this. Not only is the original document marked up with numerous comments, she wrote a multiple-page commentary detailing the strong areas as well as the weak ones. To say the least, I am overwhelmed although not discouraged due to the tremendous cheerleading my editor continues to do on my behalf. After reading through everything, I put it aside to let my thoughts percolate.

After thinking about everything for a few days, I sat at my computer ready to tackle the challenge of all these edits. Taking it one section at a time, I was able to visualize in my mind’s eye where my editor wanted me to go; understanding the areas I had not made myself clear or was redundant. Once I made all of the requested changes, I re-read the entire proposal. Something didn’t feel right. My subconscious was nagging at me only I wasn’t sure why. Once again I set everything aside and let my mind rest.

To get my mind off of the task at hand, I went to a movie. The film told the story of an elderly man’s journey after losing his wife. It struck a chord in me so deep because parts echoed my own journey with my father’s illness this previous year (although thankfully no one died). As I returned home, I realized what was ‘wrong’ with my book proposal. Because I had to write a sample chapter out of the order of writing the actual book, I had written it directed to the reader just like I write articles. Nowhere was my voice telling my journey. And since this is a teaching memoire, my story needed to be there. Within an hour I had re-written the entire chapter; my soul was pleased.

Now that I am ready to send my revisions back to the editor for the second official round, I experience another nagging feeling. I’ve included parts that Hay House used in their book proposal sample given to me at their Writer’s Workshop but my editor does not use those same parts in her proposal template. Which one is correct? Is there a right and wrong? If I take out one section, does that mean I need to write another? I’m super confused and want to produce the absolute best possible proposal I can. So, now what do I do?

My editor comes to the rescue!! After a slew of emails she offers to have a phone conversation with me so we can talk through what direction we mutually feel is best to follow. I am so blessed that she is willing to give me this extra time and that she feels as vested in my project as I do. Together we will take a step back; looking at the big picture and then we’ll dissect the parts in order to ensure we include only the ones that lead us back to the overall final/big picture I am painting with my book.

Onward….

Filed Under: Health, Holistic Health, Uncategorized, Wellness Tagged With: Be Present, Be Purposeful, Be Well, Enlightenment, Hay House Writer's Contest, Mindfulness

Soul Journey

June 16, 2016 by bappelbaum Leave a Comment

Last week I experienced my first Soul Journey. Having no idea what to expect, I was told that I would be taking an in-depth look inside my own heart. Being able to visualize a physical journey within was necessary which left me skeptical since my visualization skills are less than ideal. With an open mind and heart, I laid down on the bed with a light covering over my eyes. A soft, steady Indian drum beat accompanied by rhythmic music quietly played in the background while my guide used her voice and the expressive sounds of singing bowls to guide me.

staircase_blurry“Imagine a staircase going into your heart…” was how we began. At first I saw nothing. Slowly a circular staircase appeared and I cautiously took a step down. My imagination kept getting interrupted by my preconceived disparity between reality and visualization. Once I relaxed, my hand gently hovered above the rail as I descended the white, glass, smooth steps of a circular staircase. Down, down, down I went…suddenly yet gently arriving at the bottom.

At first, I am surrounded by darkness. As my guide’s voice instructs, I continue to try to see around me. Light enters and a garden reveals itself. I can feel the warmth of the sunlight on my face and feel aglow with its energy.  As I begin to take a few steps deeper into the garden, a quasi-real/cartoonish rabbit appears. It keeps trying to take my hand as if to say, “Come with me” yet as hard as I try to reach out, my hand slips away. Out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow figure that’s masculine and it distracts me from the rabbit. It sits very still and erect on a bench with his arms stretched wide resting on the seatback. All it does is observe.

My guide instructs me to walk around and as I do I come upon a body of water. It glistens in the sunlight and brings me energy and comfort simultaneously.  As I kneel down to study my reflection inReflection the water, all I see is sparkling light. When I look a bit upward toward the horizon, I see a male rising from that shimmering light – my guide thinks this might be my future husband.  Continuing to examine the light, I recognize that I am the sparkling light, and as I come to this realization the shadow figure shifts on the bench to one side as if to relax and say, “This is good.” Perhaps it is pleased that I finally see my true self: light reflecting in the water.

The cartoonish rabbit remains by my side and keeps gesturing his paw over his face as if he’s being bashful or coy. He also keeps trying to reach out to take my hand; urging me to come with him. I begin to sob because I’m suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of “it’s all going to be okay.” I don’t understand yet know that’s the message he’s trying to convey. My relief is so profound it is actually physical, not simply emotional.

My guide instructs me to leave the body of water and go see if any physical messages present themselves. Oddly enough as I rise and turn around I see the old climbing tree from the corner near our house when I was growing up. Instead of leaves, it is sprouting with slips of paper. As I reach out and pick one of these slips of paper I see that it is blank – they are all blank. Again I am apparently not ready to learn of the message meant for me. Patiently to my side is the rabbit who seems quite pleased I have discovered this tree even though no messages appear.

It is time to leave my inner heart and ascend the staircase back to reality. I leave with a new sense of comfort knowing that whatever is next in my life journey, all will be okay and I can stop worrying.  As I flutter my eyes open, I am in awe of what I just experienced. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to have such a vivid journey.

In our discussion following; my guide and I toyed with the idea that I was the shadow observing myself as I explored what is next in my life. The blank slips of paper represented my lack of clarity of my future yet the rabbit – my apparent Spirit Guide – wants me to come with him so he can reveal my next chapter. And although I feel safe, I am not quite ready to follow. My homework is to write the rabbit letters asking what he wants of me while waiting to see if he answers.

The other day when meeting with my Rabbi for healing prayer, I mentioned this Soul Journey and together we came up with a bit of a different hypothesis. The shadow on the bench was HaShem (male divine presence of God) and my sparkling reflection in the water; the Shechinah (female divine presence of God). And my Spirit Guide was there to help me bring HaShem and Shechinah together inside me/as me for complete healing of my body and soul.

Whatever the message, I will continue to listen with an open heart and mind. I believe in myself and the spirits that surround me and know that my purpose is far greater than I can currently comprehend.  Soon all will be revealed…I just have to relax, feel safe, and allow it to unfold.

Have you ever experienced a Soul Journey? If so, please share in the comments below.

Be Present | Be Purposeful | Be Well

Filed Under: Health, Holistic Health, Uncategorized, Wellness Tagged With: Be Present, Be Purposeful, Be Well, Enlightenment, Healing, Mindfulness, Spirituality

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